


The Dashboard Melted But We Still Had The Radio.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Series: Merge Point [4]
Category: Baby Driver (2017)
Genre: Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kink, Negotiations, Ownership, Power Balancing Act, Power Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: Baby gets back late from Joe's funeral.





	The Dashboard Melted But We Still Had The Radio.

**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack:  
> [Modest Mouse - Dashboard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=penvn9VL32Y) (title track)  
> [Benny Goodman - Sing Sing Sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGxf93NqH74)

Baby gets back late from Joe's funeral. He lets himself into the house and considers just going straight to bed. But he knows he needs to shower first, and if he goes to bed without seeing Doc first, he knows Doc is going to get the wrong impression. Baby really doesn't want to wake up in the trunk of Doc's car again.

He takes his shoes off in the foyer and pads barefoot into the kitchen. Joe's daughter Karen had flown in from California, so it had been Baby's job to make all the arrangements and take Karen out for dinner afterwards. Karen's flight back leaves tomorrow morning, but she's getting a cab to the airport. Baby's done now. There's nothing left he can do for Joe.

The end had taken three months. Baby had been as involved as he could be, and the social worker had clucked over how hard it was for family members with full time jobs, how important it was to spend as much time together as possible before the end. Baby had done what he could, but Doc'd been pretty unyielding about it all, even more than usual. Baby's pretty sure Doc had _moved_ a job just to make absolutely sure it would interfere with Joe's last ultrasound.

Doc's not taken this well. Baby's losing the last person to ever really love him, sure, but Doc's losing the last hostage he had to ensure Baby's good behavior, and, in this household, that's more important. Baby's been out of temper about it, but he knows expressing that would be counter-productive. The angrier Baby gets, the worse it's going to be for him. It's not like he was expecting comfort from Doc about this, but he'd've preferred it if he hadn't had to deal with Doc being an asshole about it.

Doc's a career criminal. He doesn't have any faith in things like loyalty or trust. And it's not like Baby's under any delusions that Doc feels any of those for him. But right now, Doc's the only person Baby has left. Doc's not exactly been encouraging him to make any friends or go on any dates since the debacle over Debora. Doc's the only family Baby has. It's not what he would have chosen, and it's not like it's something he's actually chosen, but he'd stopped being allowed to have choices about his life when he was twelve.

Baby's just turned thirty. He's not sure he can even remember anymore what it was like not living in Doc's pocket all the time. He's had a lot of opportunities to run. He hasn't taken any of them. Doc should fucking get over it already.

Baby climbs the stairs and lets himself in to Doc's home office. It's bigger than the kitchen and is usually strewn with maps and too many legal pads. Doc doesn't like digital things. Baby waits by the door, resting his back against the wall, until Doc looks up to acknowledge him.

"Well?" Doc demands. There's three guns and a knife within arm's reach of him on the table. None of that is by accident.

"I'm still not killing for you," Baby says, not moving from the door.

"Oh?" Doc asks. Baby straightens. He knows that tone. He hates that tone. He really hates that tone. Doc's gonna push on this. Well, okay, he'd known that, and Baby came up here to push, too. It's amazing how much leverage you have when you're okay with it if your boss kills you or puts you in the hospital. 

"I'm that worthless to you?" Baby asks. "You go through murderers faster than I can charge my phone." Usually Doc likes to kill people himself, but he hasn't done it as much in the last couple years. Doc's always been larger than life in Baby's head; it's only in the time since he's been planning Joe's funeral that Baby's realized how old Doc is. Doc hasn't gone out on jobs since Baby was fifteen. Baby hadn't thought much about it at the time, but it had been Doc making sure he was staying in a role that he could dominate. He couldn't dominate in the field anymore, so he'd dominate in planning.

Baby's not deluding himself that Doc isn't still the most dangerous man he's ever met, but he's dangerous because he knows his limits, excels inside them, and deflects anyone from realizing what he's doing. That's his mistake, then, for letting Baby get too close. Baby's worked with him long enough to notice the changes. Most guys don't last nearly that long.

You're supposed to see someone like Doc as invincible, immortal, untouchable. You're not supposed to see him take calcium pills. Being human doesn't make him less dangerous, but it does put him into a context that Baby is, finally, old enough to understand. Doc was the bogeyman of his childhood and the holy terror of a boss of his twenties. Doc's also turning seventy in three years. He's not immortal. He's only a handful of years younger than Joe was.

Doc's smarter than Baby'll ever be. Doc's a better criminal than Baby'll ever be. And if Doc doesn't kill him, Baby's probably going to out-live him. Which, in and of itself, is pretty terrifying. Baby's never been allowed to imagine a world without Doc.

Of course, Doc-not-killing-him can't be taken for granted, now or ever. Doc's pretty reliable about killing people who fuck up or push him too far, and Baby's in the mood to push. Hopefully not too far, but he can't bring himself to care. He just buried the last family he'd ever had and he'd done it knowing that Joe was ashamed of him to the last.

And if Baby hadn't stolen Doc's car eighteen years ago, maybe he would have grown up to be someone Joe could have been proud of. Maybe he might have done better at school, or had normal hobbies, and never killed anyone. But he didn't. Joe was always telling Baby to go straight, telling him to focus on his own life instead of keeping Joe's safe from Doc, but Joe didn't get it. When you only have one person to protect, that's the most important thing. Baby'd lost one family already, he wasn't going to lose Joe. It wasn't going to be his fault.

And, in the end, it hadn't been his fault. In the end, he'd kept Joe safe from Doc. Joe hadn't liked that exchange. Maybe that's a parental thing, Baby's never going to know. Baby's not got the life expectancy to have kids. He hadn't expected to turn fifteen, and then he hadn't expected to turn twenty, and when he'd turned around and got slapped in the face by thirty, he'd been so shocked he hadn't believed it. He still basically doesn't believe it. He's been living on borrowed time and he knows it.

"Now's not the time for you to grow a moral compass, Baby," Doc says. "I have work for you to do."

Baby crosses his arms. "Okay," he says. He'll do work. He's always done work. "What?"

"Whatever I tell you to do," Doc says clearly and Baby sighs. He thinks he should probably feel something other than exasperated fondness for the man who'd destroyed his life. But at some point, he's not sure when, he just stopped being mortally terrified of Doc. Being scared is exhausting. Baby had embraced his fate. He's going to end up as a mangled corpse, without even any identifying marks other than his car-crash scars since Doc won't let him get any tattoos. Even if Doc isn't the one to kill him, Baby's not living to see forty. He's going to be lucky to get a real grave. None of this is new. None of this is scary. He's not a kid anymore. He knows what kind of business this is and what happens to the people in it.

"I'd do anything for love, but not that," Baby says.

"Funny," Doc says, not smiling. "You've already got a body count. Why are you so scared to add to it?"

This is one of those things that if Baby needs to explain, there's just no way to explain. It's like selling Doc on the contents of half of his ipod collection. Can't be done. "Didn't want to do it then. Don't want to do it now. Don't see why I should."

His tone is maybe a little harder than it should be at that last, but fuck it, he knew Doc was going to take Joe's funeral as a time to try to ride roughshod over every single time Baby ever dared to tell him 'no'. And if Baby lets him, he's going to find himself caught up in it, find himself standing over corpse after corpse. Baby knows how to shoot, but that doesn't mean he wants to, or that he's going to. He's done a lot of things for Doc, become a certain kind of person for Doc, but not this. He's not doing this.

Doc's always felt like Baby'd kept his one limit so he could still look Joe in the eye and pretend to not be as bad as Doc is. That's never been true. It hadn't been for Joe. If Baby had been doing things for Joe, he'd've done a whole lot more than that. Baby's let people die. He knows it's not morally superior to not pulling the trigger himself. It's never been about Joe; it's always been about Baby.

And there's never, ever been any way to explain that to Doc. And Baby can't control what Doc does, he can only submit to it. But he can control his own actions. Doc will do whatever the hell he wants, that's fine, that's not preventable. But Baby won't do what he doesn't want to do. And he doesn't want to do this.

And Doc can't make him. Doc can kill him over it, but he can't make him do it.

Doc stands up abruptly at that and walks over to Baby. When Baby had been younger, he'd unconsciously cowered, not wanting to be taller than Doc, wanting to make himself as small as possible. He doesn't do that now. If he backs down now, it's all over, there's nothing left.

"Joe's gone. There's nothing between you and me but you now." Doc glares up at him. He gets into Baby's space.

And Baby doesn't make himself smaller. He doesn't back down. There's no one left for Doc to hurt in addition to Baby. If Doc's gonna do anything, it's to Baby alone. This is the freest Baby has ever been. 

Because that's the thing about escalation. Baby can take a beating. He can take some bruised or broken ribs. If Doc's not killing him, then he's got nothing. Baby obeys because he wants to, because that's who he is, because he's someone who obeys Doc, because that's his entire life. It's not because he's scared of getting punished. If a little punishment bothered him, he'd've broken a long time ago.

"Is this the hill you want to die on?" Doc asks. And Baby nods imperceptibly. 

And Doc tightens his fist and swings. And Baby doesn't duck. But he doesn't return the punch. He doesn't raise a finger to Doc. That's not how this works.

But he's taller, and he's stronger, and he's younger. Doc's taken advantage too many times of people thinking Baby, standing quietly in the corner waiting for Doc, was some kind of muscle to not be aware of the effect himself. Not backing down is itself a threat, even if Baby would never do anything, even if Doc knows Baby would never do anything. Because, after all, some day he could change his mind. Some day Doc might push him too far.

"What do you want from me, kid?" Doc asks. "Put me on a cruise ship, send me to Hawaii to retire? That how you're planning to get rid of me, or what?"

Baby shrugs. He hadn't been considering it, but, well, if Doc's asking. Baby doesn't make a habit of lying to him. Complete honesty always works better anyway. A lot of times, Doc doesn't know how to handle it. "Drug you, toss you in the back, and go over a cliff. I'd play big band music the entire time. You'd hate every minute of it."

"Your big plan is murder-suicide?" Doc rolls his eyes. "I raised you better than that."

"Be fair, I haven't updated that plan since I was seventeen." It hadn't been the last time he'd thought about escape, but the possibility had always been so remote that he'd never considered that he might survive doing it. If you're gonna go out in a blaze of glory, set it to Sing Sing Sing.

Doc turns away. "Not much of a baby anymore," he says. He settles himself back down behind the desk, casual, like he'd planned this. "You want a different name? Or are you not sticking around?"

There's no way that's the end of it, but maybe it's the end of it for now. Baby knows he's going to have to keep fighting this fight. Doc's always been about wearing Baby down until there's nothing left.

"I'm sticking around. I'll keep my name," Baby says. "I'm used to it." He hadn't picked 'Baby'; it had just come naturally from how people saw him. But he hadn't picked 'Miles' either. 'Baby' is the only name he's really consistently used since he was a kid. Karen had called him Miles at the funeral, because he was always Miles to Joe. But Baby has three aliases that are better documented than Miles Fletcher's ever been. If anyone isn't real, it's Miles. Doc's got junk in Miles's name, probably so he can set Baby up for insurance fraud some day if he needs to. Baby never pays much attention to Doc's byzantine back-up plans. It's not worth it. If Doc's not gonna just shoot him, Doc's not going to do anything. If Doc throws him in jail, Baby's just gonna turn state's evidence and then get himself killed for it.

"I hate when you wreck my plans, Baby," Doc says. "You're not too big for me to break your ribs."

"Want me to lie down for you to do it?" Baby asks and Doc gives him a lethal glare. The thing is, Baby's not joking, and Doc knows he's not. Baby would do it if Doc told him to, would even do his best to hold still for it. Baby doesn't know how to play Doc, but he's figured he can manipulate him well enough just by giving him whatever he wants, and letting Doc give him whatever Doc wants to give him. And, yeah, Baby knows. It's not a great combination. Baby's probably really lucky that Doc'd never decided that what Baby really needed was a drug habit.

But Baby's never had much in the way of self-preservation. It's how he's such a good driver. There's no secret to it. All it takes is great reflexes and not caring if you lived or died or ended up paralyzed. The job's more important than his life, because his life isn't worth anything to anyone other than him.

"Don't bother," Doc says. "I hate your sentimental shit. Go to bed, you have errands to run for me in the morning."

And that's the thing about Doc. He's always got plans going. Since he was a kid, Baby'd been anticipating the day his reflexes go. He doesn't know what age people start to slow down, but all he's known is, that's the day he becomes truly worthless. Except Doc's been taking him around a lot, for years. Doc's been positioning Baby as the front man for some of his contacts. He's been having Baby do a lot more work than just evasive maneuvers.

There's a reason Baby had been mostly confident Doc wouldn't just get rid of him over this. Doc's been making him too valuable to throw away without consequence. Joe saw him as a person. Doc really, really doesn't. Baby's something to be managed. Why throw away good raw material when you can shape it into something else?

"Okay," Baby says. "Your bed?"

Doc gives him a withering look. "Yes."

Baby nods and turns to leave. There's still a chance Doc will smother him tonight, or choke him, or garrote him, so Doc may as well keep him conveniently placed for that. Baby doesn't have a problem with that; it'd be a shitty ultimatum if he hadn't been prepared to deal with the potential consequences. He's dirty from today and he's not allowed to come to Doc's bed when he's dirty . He takes a shower, rinsing the day off of himself, and slides naked into Doc's bed to wait for him. He puts the leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles, leaving off the chains. Doc can put those on if he wants some kind of physical reminder for himself. Baby's got all the ones he needs.

It's not like he's been harboring some secret escape plan. He knows there's nowhere for him to go. Sure, he could take a car and run, but then what? What happens after there's entire states between him and Doc? It's one thing to want to leave, it's another to want to go somewhere. Where would he go? What would he do? What's his world like without Doc at the center of it?

There's probably a lot of things Baby could do with his life, but he usually can't think of any he particularly wants to do. He could leave, but what happens next? He used to have other interests, he supposes. There must have been things he'd liked as a kid, but he'd been stripped pretty bare as an adult. He's got what he needs to survive, and he's got what Doc gives him. There's not much room for much else. And he's not good at much else other than being useful for Doc. He used to have a dream about being a music producer. It still seems like a good time sometimes, when Doc's being really aggravating or obnoxious, but music producers are a dime a dozen. Baby had put some mixes online and gotten zero interest in them. He's a nobody there. But no one can do for Doc what Baby can do.

And it's just easier not to have to make these kinds of decisions. Baby could probably decide how he wants his life to go, if he had the opportunity. He's not sure how long it would take him, but he could probably figure it out. But, really, if he wants to call the shots in his own life, he's going to have to first get rid of Doc, and he's no closer to driving Doc off of a cliff than he was at seventeen. It's stupid to think about what he'd choose if things were different. They're not different. He has to make decisions about how life based on how his life is now, not in what it might have been if he hadn't jacked Doc's car eighteen years ago. He belongs to Doc and he's not willing or eager to pay the price it would take to be rid of him.

In the morning, probably nothing will change. Doc will still pretend he needs threats to keep Baby in line. He'll probably beat him a few times just to prove that he can. He'll still keep treating Baby like he always does. But Doc can't hurt Joe anymore, and Doc isn't about to do something irreparable to Baby without more provocation than just a 'no'. Baby's made himself too useful. 

Well, no. _Doc's_ made Baby too useful. Doc built this cage himself. 

Baby grins.


End file.
